“I wish I had her eyes.” “She has such an amazing hour glass shape! Why can’t I look more like her?” “I hate her! She’s looks so perfect.” “I want abs like that!” “She looks so fit and toned. I wish I had her arms!”
I have been there way too many times. I would either be out with friends, at the gym or scrolling through social media and it would never fail. I would compare myself to someone else. Sometimes it would be for superficial reasons. Other times I would find myself comparing because I felt someone else was far more successful than I was. If you are reading this, I am sure you can identify with what I’m writing all too well.
Our society promotes comparing. If you look around mainstream media, social media and everything in between, we are constantly put in front of the best of the best! I believe this can often make you feel like you are inadequate. Think about what you see. Everyone has the best life right? The truth is what you don’t see is that perfect couple fighting behind closed doors, the beautiful fitness model eating next to nothing each day and feeling miserable, or the girl in the advertisement without make up.
The need to compare was pretty much ingrained into my brain from an early age thanks to my mother. I can’t tell you how many times I would get the comparison speech because I was an overweight child. From early on, I continued to think very little about myself because I was conditioned to look over at someone else and question why I didn’t look more like “her.”
Over time my confidence level was shot. As a young woman I never had any faith or confidence in my abilities even though I projected something different for others to see. I attributed a good portion of my unhappiness to the horrible habit of comparing. Comparing also led me on a path of feeling like I constantly had to diet and restrict myself. Whether I wore a size 20, 16, 14 ,12 or 10 (yes, I’ve worn all those sizes!), I always felt the need to be smaller because as a woman, we are conditioned to think skinny is better. We tend to compare ourselves to unrealistic representations of beauty.
One of the biggest turning points toward living my best life and truly being happy in my own skin was when I took the step forward in life to stop comparing myself to others. I realized I had to take ownership of my own unhappiness. I basically had to create the lifestyle I wanted so that I could be who I wanted to be. This was my own unique journey and I needed to cultivate the habits that would lead to me my goals.
I think comparing is one of the core reasons a woman can feel insecure. Comparing also tends to steal any type of fulfillment or joy. Are you currently unhappy or insecure? Do you easily get jealous and as a result, act out and ruin relationships with your loved ones and other close friends? If your answer is yes, ask yourself how often do you spend wishing you were more like someone else?
Amazing things will happen when you stop comparing yourself to others. Why? You start to save your energy and invest more in you! You also will find you feel better about yourself and will improve your relationships with other people.
Do you want to take a step in the right direction and put an end to the comparison game? Start by unfollowing any social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Look around for people who help inspire you and lift you up. Focus on what makes you unique and amazing! Learn to appreciate those things because if you don’t, no one else will! Trust me when I say you are good enough if you want to be.
If you do find yourself unhappy evaluate the reasons why and don’t forgot to take action to get yourself to where you want to be without comparing your own journey toward self-improvement to someone else’s.
I won’t life, at 38, I have finally figured this out. Today I am comfortable with who I am and I am happy with what I see in the mirror. I actually walk around wearing a size 6! I no longer compare myself to others and honestly this alone has made me happier, more productive and giving, and the best part is I have better relationships with others.
If you find yourself in the comparison trap take steps to get yourself out. You will be glad you did.
As always, I would love to hear from you. You can reach me by filling out the contact form on my site!